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Barf Wars: What Personal Record Are You Proudest Of?
There is a great Seinfeld episode that includes a funny bit about a record Jerry is proud of: not throwing up in 13 years. Yes, a non-vomit streak. In episode 73, “The Masseuse,” Jerry claims he has not retched since June 29th, 1980, over 13 years prior. George and Elaine agree that it’s an impressive feat. (I should say before we go on: like theGodfather films, you can learn all of life’s lessons from Seinfeld. Over a decade they redefined all the important issues of life.
When I saw episode #73 in 1993, it recalled my own similar streak, which had ended the year before and stretched back to 1979. The details are not necessary, but 1979 was my freshman year of college. So, 13 years later, in October 1992, that streak went down the drain with an unfortunate episode involving fine cigars. Never again.
But there was even more drama the month I lost my record (and my cookies) in 1992–our 6-year-old son Oliver’s own gastric eruption that occurred on Halloween’s Beggars Night. He was all dressed up as a mummy for Trick-or-Treat, but stayed slumped on the couch with a droopy look, unable to move. “Ooooohhhhhhhh” he said. But Oliver was not about to miss out. He forced himself up, and, actually walking and talking like a mummy in his sickened state, started out on his serious door knocking. He made it to the next-door neighbor’s house, and promptly upchucked all over their stairs. Nice trick! No treats.
So, we both started over that year. I’m happy to say in 2017 that I have rebuilt my acuity, sporting a clean record for a quarter century. Interesting that the Guinness Book of World Records has vomit categories, but there is none for length between episodes…?