Is Humility for You?
We are all part of one organism called Humanity. Thanks for the photo by Dimitar Belchev on Unsplash
Maybe the best metaphor of the world (and our place in it) is described by Shakespeare, a place where “all is a stage” and men and women are merely players. I’d expand on the description to add that each of us has our own stage where we are the primary character and everyone else becomes supporting actors. It’s the human condition that we see the world and experience if from the vantage of one: our point of view.
Taken to an extreme, we may see ourselves as the lead player where others have no purpose other than to propel our story, and where the adoration of self does not factor in the needs of others. Such was the case for the Greek god Narcissus, who couldn’t get beyond his own reflection to love anyone else. Narcissus became stuck, isolated by an unattainable love, and eventually killed himself. His story is a cautionary tale of what can happen when someone is lacking in the virtue known as humility.
Reflecting on the shared human experience, I conducted a bit of research, interviewed a few friends and family, and came up with some thoughts as to what it means to be a humble person, the benefits of cultivating humility, and how to think more humbly.
WHAT IS HUMBLE, REALLY?
At first glance to be humble seems contrary to our society’s values of self-reliance and confidence. Based on cultural experience, we may think of someone who is humble as lowering themselves in some way, which is in fact is one of the definitions of the noun, “having a low view of oneself.”
In the religious tradition there is a call to lower oneself to a higher power in order to be a faithful servant. The message for the faithful is to recognize a shared experience of being subservient to a greater power and the value of service to others.
Whereas, according to Plato, the only important virtues were:
· Prudence: Ability to recognize good versus evil.
· Justice: Giving someone their due regardless of how we feel about them.
· Fortitude: The strength to overcome fear to do what is right.
· Temperance: Restraint of personal desires.
The catechism of the Catholic Church recognizes these four virtues and then adds faith, hope and charity to make for a list of seven.
So, how did humility become defined as a virtue? St. Thomas associated humility as an offshoot of temperance where the individual strives to keep personal desires in check in order to be more like God and serve others. In that vein, humility via restraint reminds us that we are part of something greater than self.
There are those who ask why anyone, particularly those not practicing a religion, would want to strive to be virtuous at all, let alone humble. And I, too, would push back and suggest that virtues are pursued by being human, not necessarily religious.
To be human is to accept and address all the parts of the individual, described in Freudian terms as the building blocks of personality. In the article over at Thoughtco, Cynthia Vinney concisely details the three components of psyche in her article “Freud: Id, Ego and Super-Ego Explained.”
· Id: Primitive and earliest element of personality driven by instinct.
· Ego: Derives from id and focuses on dealing with reality, reigning in the id’s impulses.
· Super-Ego: The moral mediator of all processes id and ego.
Whether through the practice of faith or in the effort to be a fully realized human, we do seem to have a built-in desire to be moral. Perhaps it is our pragmatic response to living and working in societies, or it is the divine within each of us. Either way, we have a natural sense of right and wrong and aspire to live some version of what is known as the Golden Rule. We aspire to treat others as we would want to be treated. In that spirit, humility reflects our capacity to see others and believe we all are equally deserving.
IT’S HARD TO BE HUMBLE
But these days, or maybe always, it’s hard to rise to our better selves and see beyond our reflection. We need tools and reminders to inspire the virtue of humility. In the article, “How Humility Will Make You the Greatest Person Ever” by Vicki Zekrzewski over at Mindful, she explains what happens when we encounter someone who we find to be humble. We are relaxed with them and more open to being ourselves because we see them as nonjudgmental.
A person who has high levels of humility bases their value on intrinsic qualities rather than the exterior acquisition of wealth and recognition. They see themselves for both their strengths and weaknesses and are open to growth. You might use the term “grounded” to describe people you know who are comfortable in their shoes and accepting of others.
Those who are humble make for better leaders, friends and mates as well, because they are generous and openly curious about a path to growth.
Zekrzewski acknowledges that, as virtues go, humility isn’t easily achieved but can be cultivated with three suggestions she outlines.
1. Embrace shared humanness—unconditional acceptance of both strengths and weaknesses where failure is an opportunity for growth and does not diminish one’s sense of self or that of others.
2. Mindfulness and self-compassion—capacity to grow and accept when things need to change personally. Honest introspection that is realistic without distortion.
3. Gratitude—for the people in our lives who make who we are possible. This sense of gratitude has a strong link to cultivating humility.
In the article by Patty Onderko over at Success, she highlights a list of actions to take in her article, “Do These Six Things To Be More Humble,” which includes confronting prejudice. To be humble is to recognize that our opinions are not defining and should be questioned. Testing our current beliefs is important to recognizing we are fallible and that there is more gray area and shared understanding if we take a deeper look.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Years ago, I remember when our then 6-year-old daughter was grappling with what it means to be human and asked the innocent question, “Are we animals?” We explained that yes, we are, and she was immediately distressed by what that meant to her. We live and die, and in between experience good and bad times. We are fragile and dependent on the earth and each other for our survival.
It is a humbling and sobering truth that we are part of each other. Our actions and lives touch the lives of everyone else. But the connection is also the source for joy as well. The greatest benefit of cultivating humility is that with it comes the capacity to love, for in loving others we make room outside of self for others.
We are interconnected, not alone but part of one, and our reliance on each other gives us purpose. Our capacity to love is our greatest action, and our path to humility enriches and rewards each of us as individuals and as a whole.
If you’d like to keep a reminder that we are all part of humanity and need to embrace our shared connection try wearing our Humbly Human shirt. It is sure to spark conversation and remind you we are in this together.
Alexandra and Sherry, 2016
Sherry is the founder of Storied Gifts a personal publishing service of family and company histories. She and her team help clients curate and craft their stories into books. When not writing or interviewing, Sherry spends loads of time with her grandchildren and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.
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