Storied Gifts

Honest, I'm NOT Lying.

It bugs me, that line about "speaking my truth" because usually what it really means is that the person saying it is getting a cathartic release stating how they feel about someone else. There's no skin in that game.

I recently saw Paula Poundstone at a show here in Des Moines at Hoyt Sherman, and she joked about that other popular phrase, "I'm just sayin." Again, there usually isn't much sacrifice or humility that comes attached to it tagged on the end of a sentence. "Your ass is big because you eat too much . . . I'm just sayin."

I recently read the article, Interior Motives by Martha Beck in the May 2012 issue of Oprah where Beck addresses the importance of being honest with oneself about their choices. Others will sense our personal dishonesty, and being dishonest with ourselves ultimately prevents us from realizing personal growth.

In our speaking and in our doing, admit our agenda to ourselves at least because it is good for the psyche and shows through to others. Many times I've told my children over the years, "At the end of the day don't lie to yourself or you're sunk."

But that said, when I open myself to being honest about my motives it can be painful. I tend to feel bad, feel unappreciated and jealous of others too.

Sharing stories and insights about oneself is something that is best done without a hidden agenda because then creativity can truly fly. You can want to leave a legacy, pass on life lessons and connect with others, but without addressing what may be the primary reason, your own interest in you, the process can cultivate insecurity. "I'm not interesting. Who really cares?"

Believe me, I get this. It is THE reason I've had a blog since 2007 and yet have blogged so little. I start reading some great blogs like The Bloggess, and I think, "I can't write,or Jen Menke and think I'm not funny. My life is B-O-R-ING.

But recently I've been knocked up side the head with new-found clarity. I'm as significant and insignificant as everyone else, and so the best gift I can give me while I'm breathing is the present of permission to share my thoughts and stories. Does anyone care? Maybe . . . hopefully . . . but ultimately I do and that's what matters. Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project says it wonderfully in her video about Pigeons of Discontent.

 So, I speak for me to reveal me, knowing it will heal and help me come to terms with my humanity. Share your stories for you first, a gift that costs no money (unless you hire someone like me!) but is actually priceless,and let everything else parcel itself out.

Thanks to Elizabeth Welsh for the great photo of Shhh!

"I'm okay now because I know you're a failure." John Henderson

The other day I was watching one of my favorite Albert Brooks movies called "Mother." John Henderson, played by Brooks, goes home to live with his mother for an "experiment" to try and figure out where his life went off course. It's funny, well written dialog and I especially enjoy watching Debbie Reynolds.

As the film comes to a close (not giving away the end here) there are two lines that I particularly loved spoken by John Henderson.

Henderson to Mother Henderson, "Your past is plopped all over our lives."

and then,

"I'm okay now because I see you as a real person." Actually, he also said, "I see you as a failure."

Funny stuff aside, the truth is very profound. One of the important benefits of sharing our life history with our adult children is that they can see us, not solely as their parents, but as the humans we are with our own unique story. It's one of the wonderful gifts that comes when we get to know our parents when we're all adults. Knowing a parent's life story helps make sense of their choices in life and our lives lived with them.

I recommend this movie. Here is the trailer to give you a sense of the film.

Our South Africa Story In The Des Moines Register

David and I had an incredible trip to South Africa to visit our son Oliver last August. We were glad to have the opportunity to share a little slice of it in a piece published in the Des Moines Register.

Spending our lives building our story.

Who is Special to You in Waterloo, Iowa?

Waterloo, Iowa is about a 2-hour drive away from Des Moines. I'm very excited to start a personal history memoir project with a woman who lives there in mid April. This will involve heading her way once a week for about 7 weeks to visit with her and interview her to capture her life stories. 

This got me to thinking that perhaps you know someone special to you in Waterloo, Iowa. With Mother's Day and Father's Day approaching have you considered offering them a gift that demonstrates how cherished they are to you?

If a Storied Gifts gift seems like it might be the perfect gift please contact me and let me know a bit about your family member and why they are special to you. I offer a free consultation of course AND this special offer of no charges for travel with a 50% discount on the interview sessions. ($140.00 value).  

photo by Bravo213 powered by flickr

Get to know me through Wordle

This is a fun way to view your writing so I thought I'd share. If you go to Wordle you can enter your text for any document and see what kind of word cloud is generated from your writing. Here is mine for a "Get to Know" piece I've submitted for our local paper about Storied Gifts. See what words are most prominent?

Nifty. Now you try. Enter something you've written or some story that's on your mind and share.

iPHAST meeting February 23, at 6 at Smokey Row

I'm launching a group, as part of a reach-out campaign, to help others who are working to write and record their own stories -- or in some way preserve their personal or family history. Mostly, we'll meet and encourage each other on with our projects, but I'll also suggest resources and invite in other experts in the Des Moines area.

If you've been meaning to create your own memoir, find other resources to preserve photos, or research your ancestry then please attend and see if we can offer suggestions and ideas to each other.

I decided we needed a catchy name for such an ambitious group so I've dubbed it iPHAST which, contrary to being some gimmicky diet stands for Individual Personal HIstory and Archive Support Team. Catchy or strange, at least I can remember the name . . . and hopefully you can, too.

I'll be at the Smokey Row Coffee Shop located at 1910 Cottage Grove at 6 p.m. on February 23.  There is no charge, except pick up the tab for your own coffee, ice cream, or whatever. We'll plan on an hour. Hope to see you there!

photo by churl powered by flickr

What I read tells who I am?

Personal consumption and what it reveals:  I've seen several projects where people take a photo of what they eat each day. I don't like to imagine what my photo book of daily food intake would look like, at least not on some days, especially when I think of the expression, "We are what we eat."

I know that when I look at the books lining the shelves of someone's home I make assumptions about their interests and start projecting as to "who they are."  I freely admit here that my own library is made up of some books I'd like to read, or the person I'd like to become if I ever get around to reading the books that are presently collecting dust.

These days I do much more reading on the web than from books. Periodically I like to step back and look at who I read, what they're talking about, and ponder what that says about who I am and who I aspire to become.

Today's consumption at 6:04 a.m. January 13, 2010:  I've listened to this terrific interview by a woman named Lisa Bloom who is a story coach. She talks about the power of stories we hear and tell ourselves, and how our stories can change, and thus help us discover who we want to be and how to get there.

Anatomy of a find:  How did I find Lisa Bloom? Well, I read every newsletter that Barbara Winter of Joyfully Jobless sends my way. There wonderfully fun reads that are packed with links to other things that I often find inspiring. Her last newsletter sent me to this compelling project called "The Get Inspired! Project" where this woman is interviewing people with inspiring stories one interview a day for a year to reveal what inspires them and how they inspire others.

I listened to Lisa's interview and discovered that she had resources to share one of which is Byron Katie. She also talked about The Moth which I LOVE.

What does what you read say about you are or who you would like to be?

P.S. so far the only thing I've "eaten" is a couple cups of coffee with 2% milk . . . but I'd rather have had half-and-half. The photo reveals something I'd like to eat, so what does that say?

photo by chotda powered by flickr

The Gift of Nostalgia

As we approach New Year's Day I am reminded of why it is by far my most favorite holiday.I love the opportunity for renewal and the invitation to set goals. Each year marker affords the chance to start anew, hope for the future and enjoy the heady sense of determined purpose.

I've seen the excitement of determined purpose that comes when a client shifts and invests in the memoir objective of a Storied Gifts project. Initially they may feel timid in the face of the process. They may think, "I have no interesting stories," but invariably, once they begin to share and to envision the end result of a book about themselves, they become invested in the goal.

The work of preserving personal histories in heirloom books is invaluable work and the outcome is its own reward. However, I'm particularly passionate about the enriching impact that comes in the interview sessions when a person shares their life's stories.

Reminiscing allows us to relive the good and bad times, reminding us that we've endured and changed as a result of our journey. In this way, we have hope that no matter where we are now we have seen the light after dark times before, and growth is always possible.

Nostalgia was the topic of a recent segment on CBS Sunday Morning. Many reasons were highlighted for why we benefit when we take a walk "down memory lane." My favorite concept was that of  "the George Bailey effect; remember not what was, but imagine what might never have been. And envisioning a different path life might have taken could actually help people, says research professor Sara Algoe of the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill."

I've heard clients who reflect on their past during the Storied Gifts process yield new realizations, and often acknowledge that they wouldn't undo their past because each event unfolded for a reason.

Thanks for stopping by and reading. I hope you make a point to note the events of your day and remember it is all part of your personal story. What we experience today helps develop the person we are in the future.

Image by Eli  powered by flickr  

My thoughtful daughter

I'm a huge fan of NPR (I say this in about every other post) which includes StoryCorps. I know this but I was especially pleased when my daughter thought enough to share this interview with Dave Isay about his book "Listening is an Act of Love" and tips on how to ask questions. Certainly an appropriate topic with the holidays here. Thank you dear Alexandra for affirming your mom's interest and work.

Testimonial by Neil Henderson

Recently Neil shared his thoughts on why he gave his father Gene a Storied Gift, how he believed Gene felt about going through the process, and ultimately the value of documenting the stories of personal history. This is one of my limited efforts at recording and editing video to this point. I'm happy with the results.